Such a relaxing fall day!
Oct 29, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7j7vrLrgqhY

this is my story and welcome to it you
know novels that are made for you well
isn't that cute yeah
I'm a stylin welcome to Sunday night we
are ready for another week
can't wait today we're gonna say it was
one of the lowest key days for me and
I'm very long oh sorry yeah pizza my
mouth our pizza I had well it is kind of
pizza but it's a tasteful kind of we're
testing things out for my diet stuff
anyways so that's what I had for dinner
tonight I mean really how much of an
appetite but wait a little bit cuz I
needed to eat something I have been all
day without eating anything I ate let's
see breakfast I had omelet a veggie
omelet with a little bit of Turkey
turkey in it and then I didn't eat again
until just a few minutes ago but I just
had a really relaxed day today I my
ended up watching two Netflix movies
they were really really good and then I
just started a series called House of
the Haunted Hill I think I think that's
I'm usually not really into the like the
scary type of stuff I don't know why I
just never I mean I used to be but not
so much now but this one so far has been
really good so I just started that one
um and then I cleaned up this massive
mess of a room ridiculous mess and that
was it i re laxed all day long I worked
on another therapy letter that took me
for a while that was a difficulty one
but it's okay you know every time I do
this it's just one more step further
into my progress of healing so as it's
hard because you have to dip into
feelings that you've you know frozen
over and locked away and didn't think
that you would ever unopened and debris
looking I did and I have been and it's
hard but it's also reminding me again
mm-hmm the goal and what we're gonna be
doing to go forth you know and to fix
this so that's always a good thing um so
today there was zero zero logging
literally um wasn't that I didn't want
my room and stuff but was really nothing
to log about but yeah I just today I
just took a you know I was supposed to
have my mommy Dave which all he had a
meeting it lasted longer than he thought
so I just told him just forget it and
I'm gonna go tomorrow and spend a little
bit of time for myself which will be
nice so I have my counseling at 10:00
and then I will go and spend some me
time for a couple hours and then other
than that I don't know what I'm gonna do
tomorrow but I do know that I'm gonna do
those that I'm gonna spend some some
meated mummy time mmm
mommy time um if you guys did not know
the winner of the fall wreath giveaway
was Debbie qaol qaol I'm probably
butchering your last name I'm so sorry
I will put her name right here on the
screen though she is the winner so make
sure to say congratulations to her and
we will be doing another for uh not fall
we will be doing another giveaway
November what did I say November 29th I
think it is I'll relook at my calendar
but I'll put it right here too for what
day we're gonna do it uh and so we'll
see what that giveaway is gonna be and
yeah it's just been a really down to
earth day I really absolutely loved it I
you know I think everybody goes I think
life in general is just to go on the
like a go go-go-go-go process like
you're always on the go doing something
sometimes just having that day of mental
relaxation and physical relaxation is so
needed not just because you know you
might be going through a hard time or
like in my case going through a lot of
emotional trauma rehashing excuse me but
just you know your daily your weekly
daily lives you know you're working some
have children so I'm gonna pick up
children from daycare and it's just
you're on the go that sometimes that
much-needed just I'm not gonna pick up
my phone I'm not gonna talk to anybody
besides your family because of course
you're forced to know I couldn't push
them out for too long um but you know
just having that time is so needed
and that's exactly what I did today and
it felt so good I did accomplish getting
laundry done are pretty much caught up I
have one load left and I might get to
that one we'll see um
but otherwise you know it's just I
really enjoyed today I really did uh I'm
trying to think there was really
anything else
I don't think so goodness
I just miss having you guys I like I
love my lives though I love love love my
lives I feel like we're in a room full
of each other you know and just being
able to talk and it's just such an
amazing great feeling of just being able
to have that support that some of us
really need and you guys are just
amazing at it and you all have such an
amazing way of reassuring people like me
or others that are on this channel that
we're not alone in that you know we are
we've got an open platform to talk about
these type of things because it's
important I think and to raise awareness
of the type of abuse that goes on and
I'm not talking just sexual abuse I'm
talking physical mental verbal you know
sexual you name it every type of abuse
that's out there domestic violence even
it's raising awareness for all of that
and I think every one of us at some
point in all of our lives have suffered
from something of the abuse and being
able to sometimes talk about it you know
because I have some unspoken abuse that
I've never even spoken to like things
that nobody knows and you know and I
just like with my husband with Ollie I
just I just now told him to
day reading my trauma letter I just told
him today of an abuse situation he had
no idea about I would never ever ever
ever tell somebody because of fear of so
many things but it's just you know it's
just knowing that you can come here to
this channel and know that no matter
what you're not gonna be judged you're
not gonna be befriended or you know
rejected or neglected or made to feel
bad or dirty or wrong or put the blame
on you you'll never get that in this in
this environment of our channel because
I will not and none of us will promote
that and so just knowing that this is
such a safe haven for so many people it
makes me feel good because that's what I
want is I want a platform where people
feel safe to share their experiences
their life stories their highs their
lows you know their ups their downs
their scary times their happy times
everything in in between because I
believe as people grow that ability to
share stories of their life I think that
it will open up doors for so many other
people men women and children and I
think that the starting point is where
somebody can put a channel out there
where the people feel safe and that's
what I want I want people when they come
here to feel safe and to feel like their
feelings are going to be 100% validated
and to know that I believe in you and I
know multiple other people believe in
you and so that just you know really
warmed me last night whereas real
looking back on my live well this
morning
and looking back on my life and just
reading the comments and seeing
everybody intertwining with each other
and communicating because I couldn't
keep up with all of the comments I tried
to the best I could but I couldn't keep
up with everybody so knowing that there
were others out there that were being
able to you know help with that and
communicate back a reaction is so so
important and so special and so that
meant so much to me to see that and that
again just let me know that this channel
is doing what I want it to do and I want
to continue to see it happen
my leg is giving me a little bit of
problems today I have been dealing with
an itchy itchy itchy rash it's not a
rash let me rephrase that it's not a
rash just all of a sudden I will go
through spells where my body will just
start itching like I feel like there's
literally bugs crawling under my skin
and I will start digging but there's
nothing there there was no bumps there's
no rash there's nothing excuse us for us
she is screaming just a point of herself
across she's proving a point to somebody
out there probably her brother
I'm sure um leave it to her being the
only girl in the house well besides me
but I will just start itching and
itching and itching itching I mean I've
got bruises on my body from where I have
itchy so hard and all he's like Amy stop
and I'm like I can't I can't deal with
it so I don't know I'm gonna call
tomorrow I was gonna go to Urgent Care
today actually but then I was I was too
lazy I was too late to go and sit and
listen to everybody impair coughing and
huffing and puffing so I was like nope
not gonna happen I am NOT doing this so
I went ahead and I was just like I'll
just call the doctors tomorrow and I'm
gonna see what they want to do about it
hold on you guys I knew this was going
on
What's Wrong misra what happened take
yourselves out I can't hear you I'm not
running you want to go on the Ottoman is
that why you were crying this whole time
honey you've changed your jammies three
times today I don't know if you have any
clean jammies in there oh goodness
that's a child she's four so hey you
have to uh you have to promise you're
gonna do all her laundry because she
never stops with changing our clothes I
think what I'm doing laundry I do more
her clothes than to undress yourself
[Music]
well come sit down and change your pants
first I have the door locked Oh Sarah
okay but you have to if your ears you
want the air to come in oh you're
starting to sound a little bit like your
mom okay hold on just a minute okay okay
I don't know where she gets herself from
I do not know where she gets her
personality I want the air to come in
that's totally my words
she stole for me anyway he's as I was
talking I'm sorry yes I don't match
clearly I don't match it's it's totally
okay okay
remember I said I'm staying home all day
talking about Oh
so I was gonna go to Urgent Care but
then I decided no I just didn't feel
like it so I'll call tomorrow and see
[Music]
what you know what they want to do I
don't I'd the last time I remember
eating this severe
and again it comes and goes it's not all
the time it just comes in batches and
then it goes away but um the last time I
remember doing this was when I had a
block in my my liver because I don't
have my gallbladder they took that but
when my surgeon took my gallbladder
he accidentally dumped quite a few of my
gall stones don't ask into my track and
I ended up with severe kidney stones and
a liver stone and the liver stone was
the size of a mulberry was not gonna
pass on its own and the pain that I was
suffering from was probably the word
worse than ever
experiencing it was probably the worst
pain I've ever experienced between that
and my gallbladder
those were the two most painful but
anyways but that's what I remember was
when my I my liver enzymes were elevated
um high inched so Betsy here I go I'm
gonna start digging
I started itching and itching and
itching itching and like to the point
where you guys I was in the hospital for
two weeks because they were trying
figure out what was wrong with me they
did not know it was a walk at the time
and my skin was turning complete yellow
my eyes like around the white part that
it was like I've strained jaundice the
yellow are the white was completely
yellow oh my god it looks so bad but I
was itching so bad that I was literally
taking plastic forks and knives I didn't
make the nurses bring them to me
I would dig at my skin to the point that
I was just making myself bleed I had
blood like all over the hospital bed
from digging at my skin
and I'd have family come and visit me
and I would then turn around and make
them scratch me with their with the
knives and I'd make them just at their
own dig and dig and dig and dig and they
had me on if they injected me with the
I can't think of the name of it right
off the top of my head I don't know why
I was just thinking about it um oh I'm
sure you all know what I'm talking about
and you're probably screaming it at me
right now that allergy medicine anyways
if they injected it to me through my IV
it would help tremendously to the boy
wasn't itching but I but then it would
knock me out and I would sleep for a
good three four or five hours yes rush
okay you're singing okay I'm sorry
go ahead and see so I would knock out
and then as soon as I'd wake up and the
medicine would start wearing off I was
hard digging at myself again and this
went on for until they finally got the
blockage cleared up once they got the
blockades cleared up boom I stopped
itchy and everything was perfectly fine
now I don't know I just started taking a
multivitamin woman's a day vitamin about
a week and a half ago and I'm just very
curious to know if I'm having a reaction
to something that's in there also
because of my thyroid I did read that
with thyroid you could have itchy sins
Yeji skin don't know and then having the
gluten intolerant and the dairy
intolerant I don't know if that runs the
case of having ichi's so but see I don't
have hives that's the thing it's not a
reaction to being allergic to something
because they don't have hives it's
something else
so I'm just thinking I'm gonna call them
tomorrow and find out was I literally
want to bang my head into the wall when
I started digging because I cannot stop
and I will make my family come in here I
will make all he take us shift I take my
admite take a shift s Rosanna shift and
they are all just digging at me because
I start eating so bad my poor family
they're probably like mother come on
but yeah so I'm probably gonna call
tomorrow and just see if there's
anything that he needs to check because
of all this other stuff that we've been
going through with the blood and stuff
and then again I was wondering why I
wonder if it's like like a stress like
reaction
like because of going through so many
different emotions this last week
because it's only been about a week now
that I've been doing it so I'm wondering
like could it be because of this trauma
that I've been going rehashing could it
be it coming out and through my itching
like I don't know it's just it's weird
because our bodies are so different and
they react to well this one's your pants
where's your shirt okay you've got to
find it
so I don't know but I'll I'll keep you
guys updated as I you have to unlock the
door unlock it honey you have to unlock
the little look see the little thing on
the doorknob she just learned how to
open the door yep you did it okay now
open it yep open there you go
so anyways ah good job
well you got to find your shirt oh my
god anyways yeah someone would take her
and probably bring her back five minutes
later to say oh never mind she's a
handful she really is but I love her so
much
she was the boss she was the best
surprise ever
yeah she was definitely a surprise
um you were my surprise your mommy and
daddy surprised you're surprised you
said surprise that's what you said
anyways um so I will keep you guys
updated on that and I'll let you know if
I decide to go to the doctors or not but
for sure tomorrow first thing in the
morning I've got counseling I
then I am gonna spend some mommy mommy
date/time because I need it and my
husband felt so bad because he was just
like I'm so sorry I'm like it's fine it
was hailing today and pouring down rain
it was so nasty and ugly that literally
sitting here in my room with the babies
we were eating popcorn well they were
eating popcorn and we were watching
little movies and then I started
watching my adult movie
so anyways okay honey so I for sure did
not feel like going out anyway so it's
Moreau we'll be fine I know it's
supposed to rain tomorrow but I've
already gonna be out so it's like what
the what's the point not just going now
getting nervous my my groove on so
anywho I hope you guys enjoyed this very
short vlog again today I apologize so
much you guys I know that it's kind of
the last two days but bear with
me today was I think I said just a
much-needed down day but I promise you
tomorrow is gonna be much better much
longer a lot more excitement I'm sure
but anyways until then you guys take
care sweet dreams